Aarushi and Bhola were a young couple living in Udaipur in a modest apartment near the serene Lake Pichola. From the outside, their life seemed picture-perfect, but within the walls of their home, things were far from ideal.
The couple’s arguments were frequent and intense. Bhola often criticized Aarushi over trivial matters—her cooking was always too salty, her cleaning never thorough enough. He even questioned her choice of friends. His remarks, often sharp and dismissive, cut deeply and left Aarushi feeling undervalued and hurt. In return, Aarushi responded with equal force of defensiveness and frustration, accusing Bhola of being too controlling and unsupportive. Their home was filled with cycles of bitter exchanges, sharp words and slammed doors, leaving both of them feeling increasingly isolated and hurt.
One evening, after an explosive argument about Bhola’s refusal to help with the household chores, Aarushi ran out of her apartment in a huff. She went to a local café to meet her friend Mayuri. She needed someone to vent out her pains, someone who might agree that Bhola was the problem.
As Aarushi poured out her frustrations—describing Bhola as “toxic” and blaming him for every argument—Mayuri listened intently.
“Bhola is so critical all the time. I can’t do anything right in his eyes. He makes me feel worthless. I don’t know how to deal with him anymore,” Aarushi said, her voice trembling.
Mayuri took a thoughtful sip of her tea. She leaned forward, her tone serious but gentle. “Aarushi, I can see you’re in a lot of pain, and it’s important to acknowledge that. But I think we need to look deeper. Labelling Bhola as ‘toxic’ and thinking of your reactions as ‘natural’ might be limiting your ability to solve the problem. When we put a label on someone, we often stop seeing the full picture.”
Aarushi looked puzzled. “What do you mean? How can I think of it differently? He’s always finding faults with me.”
Mayuri took a deep breath. “Let’s explore this. When we label someone as ‘toxic,’ we create a barrier and we fail to see the full picture. It’s easy to focus on Bhola’s faults, but this might be keeping you away from understanding the whole situation. Both of you are stuck in a pattern of blame. Remember, in a relationship, it’s not just one person’s fault. It’s a dynamic that involves both of you.”
Aarushi frowned. “But what about his constant criticism? It feels so personal.”
Mayuri nodded. “His criticism might be a real issue, but reacting with anger and defensiveness often escalates the conflict. Consider this: when you label Bhola’s behaviour as toxic and justify your negative responses as natural, you’re not addressing the root of the problem. Instead, you’re reinforcing a cycle of blame and hurt.”
Aarushi’s eyes widened. “So, you’re saying that by focusing only on his faults and reacting negatively, I might be making things worse?”
Mayuri nodded earnestly. “Yes. Instead of just labelling and reacting, try looking at your own role in the conflict. What if, instead of seeing Bhola as the problem, you saw this as an opportunity to understand and address both your and his contributions to the situation? It might be uncomfortable, but it could lead to real change.”
Aarushi looked down, considering Mayuri’s words. “But how do I start?”
Mayuri offered a supportive smile. “Start with a calm conversation. When you’re not in the heat of an argument, sit down with Bhola and express how you’re feeling without blaming him. Listen to his perspective too. It’s not about assigning blame but about understanding each other better.”
Aarushi’s expression softened. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve been so caught up in feeling hurt that I didn’t consider how my reactions might be contributing to the problem.”
The conversation left Aarushi unsettled but thoughtful. She went home feeling conflicted but determined to explore Mayuri’s perspective.
A few days later, during another argument about a missed family event, Aarushi decided to try a different approach. Instead of reacting with anger, she took a deep breath and said, “Bhola, I’m frustrated, but I want us to talk about this calmly.”
Bhola was taken aback by her sudden calmness. He agreed to sit down and listen. As they spoke, Aarushi shared her feelings of inadequacy and fear that Bhola’s criticism was hurting her self-esteem. Bhola, in turn, admitted that he felt overwhelmed and didn’t always know how to express his concerns without sounding harsh.
A few days later, during a quieter moment, Aarushi said, “Bhola, I’ve been thinking a lot about our recent fights. I realize that I might be reacting too harshly, and I want to understand what’s going on from your perspective too.”
They talked openly about their feelings and frustrations. Aarushi learned that Bhola’s criticism often came from a place of stress rather than dislike. Bhola also recognized how his critical comments had affected Aarushi.
Over the following weeks, their conversations became more constructive. Bhola started making an effort to express his concerns more gently, and Aarushi worked on responding with understanding rather than anger.
One evening, as they sat together watching a movie, Bhola surprised Aarushi with her favourite homemade dessert. “I thought you’d enjoy this,” he said with a genuine smile.
Aarushi was touched. “Thank you, Bhola. I appreciate you trying to make things better.”
Their relationship slowly began to heal. They started
focusing on each other’s strengths and made an effort to communicate openly.
The once-frequent arguments became less intense and more constructive. They
learned to approach their issues with empathy rather than blame.